Expert Clinical Psychologist Yasin Gürkan explained the connection between repetitive emotional cycles in relationships and childhood experiences in the program Kindness Heals. Speaking in the program presented by Clinical Psychologist Metin Aydın, Gürkan stated that the feeling thought to be love can sometimes be related to childhood traumas, schema chemistry and familiar pain.
Stating that the intense emotions experienced in relationships do not always arise from true love, Gürkan said that psychological schemas formed in childhood affect partner choices in adulthood.
“What we call love may actually be schema chemistry; the mind prefers familiar pain to healthy.” Gürkan stated that people often turn to familiar pain.
Stating that intense emotions at the beginning of relationships can be misinterpreted, Gürkan said, "There is stress inside us, but we think it is excitement, we think it is love." With his words, he drew attention to unhealthy attachment styles.
Stating that individuals who experienced negative parental relationships during childhood tend to gravitate towards similar people, Gürkan said, "The person who grew up with a parent with negative characteristics in his childhood unconsciously feels a greater attraction towards the bad child." he said.
Expert psychologist stated that healthy and trustworthy people may seem foreign to some individuals and added, "The person who values you, understands you and approaches you compassionately seems foreign to you without realizing it." made his assessment.
Gürkan, who made one of the most striking statements of the program, stated that some relationships may actually be the result of traumatic attachment and said, "What you call love may be a pathology dipped in trauma sauce." he said.
Stating that individuals with emotional deprivation schema repeat similar relationship cycles, Gürkan said, "People with emotional deprivation schema feel intense attraction towards disconnected, cold, indifferent and unappreciative people." he said.
Emphasizing that schemas are not unchangeable structures, Gürkan said, "Schemas are not unchangeable things; we can heal within a relationship just as we are injured." he said.
Stating that individuals are not as free as they think in choosing a partner, the expert psychologist said, "We are not very free when choosing the person we will marry; this attraction is an echo of our childhood wounds." he said.
Touching on the importance of trust in relationships, Gürkan said, "Relationships in which we feel loved, understood, safe and valuable are the right relationships." He explained the basic elements of a healthy relationship with his words.